Big Ben vs. Shaq Daddy: Battle of the Titans


“The Diesel.” “Shaq Fu.” “The Big Aristotle.” “Big Daddy.” “The Big Cactus.” “Shaq.”

Those are some of the nicknames for NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq is a four time NBA champion, 15 time All-Star, and future Hall of Famer. This off-season, he decided to add “reality show participant” to his resume. The result is called Shaq vs. where he takes on the best players other sports have to offer.

This past Tuesday, Shaq took on Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger in a football challenge. Luckily for you, I taped the show and finally got around to transferring the results off my DVR and on to youtube. Since my hard work would be taken down in about 2 1/2 minutes if I uploaded the entire show, you’ll have to make due with the clips I’ve selected, highlighting the best moments from the episode.

Let’s begin with Shaq rolling up to Ben’s impressive home. Ever the fashion plate, Ben greets him looking like one of those homeless men down in Oakland who offer to clean your windshield for a quarter.

Pretty impressive, huh? Pause the video at 55 seconds for the ultimate example of what people buy when they have more money than they know what to do with.

I hope Andrea McNulty doesn’t watch this video.

Anyway, once inside Ben’s crib, Shaq gets a look at his trophy collection.

So now you know where never to sit if you find yourself invited over to Ben Roethlisberger’s house. I have to say, it instills me with utmost confidence to know while Brett Favre was retiring and unretiring five times, Tom Brady was impregnating supermodels, and Peyton Manning was undergoing grueling off-season workouts, Ben was kicking back in his favorite chair.

After that, we had the official press conference announcing Ben vs. Shaq. Pay particular attention to what Ben’s wearing in this clip. It should look familiar to anybody who remembers his “I did not rape that woman” press conference. I guess this multi-millionaire athlete only owns one suit. One ugly, tacky, ill-fitting suit.

Too bad Shaq didn’t challenge one of the goofs vying to be starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. They wouldn’t have to worry about any Lombardi Trophies distracting him from his destination. Actually, Shaq is playing for the NBA’s Cavaliers this year as they go all out trying to bring a championship to the wretched city of Cleveland. Good luck with that, Diesel.

For our next clip, Shaq seeks out the best coaching he can find in order to get his quarterbacking skills up to par. So of course he consults with the Steelers other quarterback, Charlie Batch.

Meanwhile, head coach Mike Tomlin brings his munchkins with him to check in on Ben’s progress. I dunno about you but I still think Tomlin is the coolest man alive.

Finally, the “competition” begins. Each man gets the ball three times and it’s touchdown or bust. They match TDs in the first round, then in the second round Shaq uncorks his one (and only) fantastic pass of the game.

But on his next try, Shaq is intercepted in the end zone. Ben takes the ball for his third and final drive. Much like the Super Bowl, Roethlisberger works it down the field with smart short passes until he finally ending the competition with this throw.

Big Ben wins. Shaq enjoys an unsuccessful yet respectable showing. And we get to enjoy the fact our team and our quarterback are finally getting some of the spotlight they deserve. Thanks, big fella!