If Jerry Builds It, Steeler Nation Will Come
By chris
A little less than a week from now, the Pittsburgh Steelers will take the field in Jerry Jones $1.3 billion dollar tribute to his small penis ego. Anytime the Black and Gold reaches the Super Bowl, that’s a good thing. But to reach the big game the year it’s being hosted by our hated rivals makes it even sweeter. It’s like throwing the biggest, baddest party on the block then watching as the guy you can’t stand leaves with the hottest girl there.
For those of you rich to afford the $2,500-22,000 price tag tickets are going for, have fun among the Cheeseheads. Ticket buying trends indicated Green Bay Packers fans initially outbought Steeler Nation by a 2-to-1 margin although the trend has evened out. I fully expect the crowd to be mixed as the Pack have a national following far superior to the laughably tiny fanbases enjoyed by the Seahawks or Cardinals. So while the Black and Gold are really “America’s Team,” it won’t be a veritable home game like our previous two Super Bowl appearances.
Giving credit where it’s due, Cowboys Stadium does appear to be a first class facility. Even sitting way up in peanut heaven like in the above shot, the sightlines seem excellent. And if they weren’t, you could still watch the action thanks to the giant-ass screen looming like the Death Star a mere ninety feet above the field. After paying $900 for your parking spot and making your way inside the stadium, you’ll be able to enjoy a vast array of first class amenities such as:
Stripper cages. Yes, JerryWorld comes fully equipped with everything a discerning football could possibly want. Cup holders, a full taco bar, and cage dancers. Make sure you ask the parking attendant to slip you a few singles so you can show the ladies how much you “appreciate” their efforts. Speaking of which, one thing you won’t see on Super Bowl Sunday are these:
Eyes up here, perv. I’m talking about cheerleaders. Yes, Green Bay and Pittsburgh are two of only six NFL teams without cheerleading squads. It makes sense the Pack wouldn’t have pom-pom girls since Wisconsin women eat so much cheese you’d never be able to find one who looks good in spandex. Pittsburgh would have no problem fielding an array of gorgeous blue-eyed blonde haired Polish girls but our women actually watch football here in the ‘Burgh.
One sight you’re guaranteed to see on Sunday is the Terrible Towel. According to Amazon.com, Myron Cope‘s baby is the #2 best seller in bed and bath products. Huh? Using the Towel as a bath towel would be sacrilege. Everybody knows the Terrible Towel is a flag, a fan souvenir, or, occasionally, a mini-skirt.
Speaking of which, have you checked out my Steeler Pride contest? You have a chance to win some really awesome Black and Gold gear for your cell phone, iPad, or iPod. Click right here to check out the contest details and how to enter.
Anyway, let’s give a big thanks to Jerry Jones for constructing such a magnificent palace for us to play in. Enjoy this sight on Sunday, Double J. Love, Steeler Nation.