New England Patriots: OMG I hate the Patriots. I hate them as much as I hate getting up for work in the morning. For me, the rivalry with the Patriots began during Ben’s rookie season, when we knocked them off of their 21 game winning streak on our way to a 15-1 regular season record. Of course, we now know that Belichick and his videographer took all the important parts of that game and used it against us for the 2004 AFC Championship game, where they seemed to know our plays before we did, but whose bitter? The fact that no matter how good any other team might be, or how many times since Belichick was stripped of his camera equipment the Patriots fail to win, the Patriots are still drooled over by football analysts and commentators alike. Watching a Patriots game with Phil Simms commentating can just about make you puke with the constant verbal butt kissing for everything and anything Tom Brady or Belichick does. I have some friends that are Patriots fans, and while I don’t hold that against them, problems arise when I can’t hold in the hate and subject them to various rants of how much I hate their team, specifically their coach and quarterback. Signing Ochocinco this offseason certainly doesn’t make me hate them any less. My bold prediction for this season is that Ochocinco will cause more problems for the Patriots than score touchdowns. I don’t think it’s that bold of a prediction, since he’s got to be one of the most overrated players in the NFL, accomplishing nothing but some Pro Bowl appearances and a diva reputation. Belichick will be hailed as even more of a genius if this little experiment works out, but I’m betting it doesn’t.
Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals are probably the team that’s the most fun to hate for me. They are just ridiculous. The Bengals hold the most prestigious NFL record as the current longest playoff win drought. The last time the Bengals won a playoff game was 1990. Let that sink it for a
moment. That’s right; the Detroit Lions have won a playoff game more recently than the Bungles. There’s also a rumor that their locker room smells like cat piss, that rumor might have been started by me though. With their recent controversy over QB Carson Palmer’s (another highly overrated player) decision to retire rather than play another game for the Bengals, the franchise is quickly rivaling the Raiders for poorest run in the NFL. Season ticket holders have filed lawsuits against the team for continuing their losing ways after the taxpayer funding into the stadium. The best part is that no matter how ridiculously bad they are, every year it’s still fun to beat them.