The Dog Days of the Steelers Off Season
By dave buzard
“The season is done”. At least that’s what the voices in my dog keep telling me. “I need to go pee”. Also voices from my dog. I guess both things are true now and so as I walk my slow, fat, old dog around the block so I can pee, SHE, I MEAN SO THAT SHE, CAN PEE, on the neighbor’s lawn, I am left to reflect on the Pittsburgh Steelers 2011 season. Here are some golden dribbles of what is better left to cool out in the yard.
Will somebody please get Solomon Wilcots a Steelers Media Guide? I worked as a medic at training camp and I bought one for $8.95 USD, surely CBS Sports can pony up the dead presidents so Solly can do a little research now and again. Then, maybe he would stop referring to Pittsburgh’s #34 as Rashard MenDINGhall. I tried calling the CBS switchboard last season to see if they would patch me directly into Wilcots’ headset so I could correct his mismanaged mangling of Mendenhall. When I got a busy signal I assumed right away that my 8th grade English teacher was on the horn, giving Solomon an earful on how to correctly use the pronunciation portion of the dictionary but I was wrong. It’s Mendenhall. Say it with me…. Mendenhall.
In other announcer fails: Can somebody please ask Don Criqui to cease and desist with the uselessly redundant “base defense” line before every play in which the defense uses their base defense.
CRIQUI: “Pittsburgh comes to the line on first down. Buffalo counters with their 3-4 base defense”.
CRIQUI-ISM FOR 2nd DOWN: “The Steelers now face second and seven. The Bills show their 3-4 base defense”
Repeat. Repeat. Puke. Repeat. Don, just tell us when it’s something really exotic like: “The Bengals are lining up with seven defensive backs, two linebackers, the punter, and mascot, for this goal line stand”. Now that’s worth drawing my attention to. By the way, does Don know that television is a visual media? You can just look at the pretty picture box and see who is on the field.
One last bash on the in game, talking head, types: Stop referring to football players as ‘warriors’. It craps all over the word. My brother in law went to Iraq; he is a warrior. My Old Man kept the North Koreans out of Alaska; he is a warrior. The brave men and women of the United States Armed Forces are warriors. They put their lives on the line daily to defend our freedoms. Some of them die or are horribly maimed doing their duty. As John Facenda so eloquently put it: “Pro football is a game for the ages”. He was correct. It is a game.
One more last, last bash on announcers: Hey, Jon Gruden, I know you love quarterbacks (you should see his collection, quite impressive) but could you quit drooling over each and every one you see? He LOVES Ben Roethlisberger: Sure. He is EXCITED by Drew Brees: Rock on, Jon. He is STIMULATED by Mark Sanchez….. Hold the phone. IMPRESSED by Alex Smith: WTF? John Gruden will be a coach again in the NFL and he is seducing every team through their signal caller like they are the ones to hire him. I tried the same approach in high school. I was SMITTEN with my girlfriend’s mother. I got my ass BEAT by my girlfriend’s dad. I should have brought him flowers and a trashy novel instead…..
The Steelers went 12-4 this year and didn’t win the division. The Ravens (TCSFB) won the division. The Ravens (TCSFB) are built to beat the Steelers. They run well and they stop the run well. In my youth, I always respected – not liked – but respected the teams that pushed the Steelers to greatness. The Oilers, Raiders, Browns, and even the Cowboys, helped Pittsburgh achieve “Team of the Decade” status. More importantly, those teams kept the pressure on the Steelers to stay great. I wish the Browns and Raiders were better these days. I really dug hating them. Now, it’s like kicking a person when they’re down every time the Steelers beat one of those teams. That doesn’t really help anyone to get, or stay, great. I can’t get behind the Ravens (TCSFB) or the Patriots as the new teams to push the Steelers. Oh, I hate ‘em alright. But beating up on or losing to either of those teams doesn’t do it for me. I still secretly want Oakland, Cleveland, and Dallas to be Pittsburgh’s biggest competition; maybe next year, right? Right. Maybe the Steelers and I need to refocus on who our competition really is.
And next year is what we, as Steelers fans, are left with.
Tripp, the dog, has done her business and I have done mine. Who knew the guy two streets over was a Dallas fan?
Interesting aside (or not): When you are blogging about James Farrior in a post here on nicepickcowher.com and refer to him as ‘Potsie’, auto correct will try to make it ‘Potpie’. That is awesome. Who doesn’t like potpie?