Why Are The Ratbirds Crapping All Over Flacco?
By Kim Myers
You know when you go outside to get into your car right after coming back from a trip to the carwash only to find out that a pesky bird has used the hood of your freshly cleaned car as their personal toilet? Now you know how Joe “Look at me and my stupid mustache” Flacco feels this week. The always talking Baltimore Ratbirds have been vocal this week, as well as all season, about the shortcomings of their oddly facial haired quarterback. Not that I’m complaining about it, but why would such veterans cause this kind of drama this close to the AFC Championship and their shot at a Super Bowl berth? Well, my take is that, like newly rich people, they just don’t know how to act.
The Ratbirds find themselves deep in a Pittsburgh-less playoffs and clearly don’t know how to handle it. Early in the week Safety Ed Reed was quoted as to saying that his quarterback was “kind of rattled a little bit by Houston’s defense.” He also stated that “I think a couple of times he needed to get rid of the ball. It just didn’t look like he had a hold on the offense.” Ouch. Since then Reed has backpedaled as if he was covering a receiver and said that his comments were meant to inspire and motivate his quarterback as opposed to how they actually sounded. Flacco has shrugged it off himself, as “no big deal.” Whether or not it becomes a big deal in the big championship game remains to be seen but a locker room divided is never looked at as a good thing. I can’t help but notice that not a single offensive player for the Ratbirds have come out in defense of Flacco either. New York Jets anyone?
The Ratbirds have actually been vocal all season long (I know it’s a shocker) about a ton of things, mainly being their open criticism of their offensive coaching. Many times they’ve questioned the play calling when Flacco is asked to win a game with his arm instead of Rice winning the game with his legs. Flacco has been rather whinny all year about his critics but the fact remains that when the Ravens try to rely on Flacco’s arm, they fall short to bad teams like Seattle. Flacco is a game manager and an elite quarterback because of how the rest of the Ratbirds work. Flacco is basically asked for the majority of the time to just hand the ball to Rice and not eff things up too badly to where the defense needs to bail them out. Clearly they are conflicted on what type of quarterback they want Flacco to be.
I feel almost as if the Ratbirds are trying to pull a Single White Female on the Pittsburgh Steelers. Early in Ben’s career he was looked at as a game manager and was not credited with the reason the Steelers won games. The Steelers were always known as a defensive team that ran the ball better than anything else offensively. Since then, Ben’s image has changed as the main reason for the Steelers offensive success. Flacco is no such quarterback just yet but it’s clear he wants to be that guy so bad he can taste it. Instead of going the skuzzy mullet-style that Ben rocked for a period of time, Flacco is going with the Fu Manchu to offset his enormous eyebrows to take on the role as the gunslinger quarterback. The Ratbirds are trying to pull an identity theft on the Steelers by turning their run-first offense into one where the quarterback is a bigger threat and it’s not going very smoothly for them.
If Ed Reed and T-Sizzle are concerned with how “rattled” Flacco gets dealing with opposing defenses during the games why would they rattle him during the week leading up to the big game? I find it hilarious myself. Not that they are facing a defensive juggernaut this Sunday in the New England Patriots but they will have to generate a lot of offense to go toe-to-toe with Brady and his endless supply of tight ends and wide receiver’s not named Ochocinco ready to catch the ball for touchdowns. The Ratbirds have the opportunity to do what has been previously impossible for them to do thanks to the early playoff exit by the Steelers. Instead of taking advantage of not having to face the team that has kept them out of playoff success in the past and prepare for the Patriots, the Ratbirds are running their mouths and creating drama. Way to go boys; now blow all your money on an oversized portrait of dogs playing poker and you’re just like lottery winners. I’m sure Flacco will be fine, he’s got nerves of steel and pin point accuracy…um yeah maybe not, well he’s got a good running back and a top 3 defense.
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