That’s it! I’m calling ‘Bullshit’ on Mike Wallace. A formal, notarized, declaration of ‘Bullshit’ has been filed with the Bureau of Animal Excrement Observation and Identification. A registered letter is currently en route to Speedy Mike AND his agent because once you have called ‘Bullshit’ on someone you must go through the proper channels to inform them. That is more than common courtesy; it’s the rules. This is a serious declaration and I did not seek its endeavor lightly but Wallace’s attitude and now his absence from the Pittsburgh Steelers training camp have left me without recourse.
Mike Wallace has told his teammates that he wants to get a deal done and to be at camp. So, Mike, get it done. Your legs aren’t broke (unlike Mendenhall, Starks, and Hampton). Get in your car (or tractor) and get ye swiftly to Latrobe. Wallace is fast, that’s for sure but he lacks a little in the consistency and sure handedness categories that the immortals possess. He performed very, very well in the first half of last year and …….. then……….. kinda………… tailed……off. Larry Fitzgerald: no tail off. Megatron: Consistent. I mention those two wide outs because Mike Wallace mentions those two wide outs when he talks about the money that he believes he deserves. I, like Keith Richards, play in a band. We, like the Beatles, have four members. I, like Phil Collins, am fleshy and losing my hair. That is where the similarities begin and end. Mike Wallace, like Fitz and Megatron, plays wide receiver on a Professional Tackle Football team. End of comparison conversation (thus far).
Mile Wallace, unlike me, is a gifted athlete and has amazing potential and the Steelers would love to pay him for his gifts. If you’ve ever tried to get money from a bank you know that you can check interest rates online or call the toll free number to see when they are open, but they like you actually come in to the bank and sign the papers. You know, just to make sure you really exist because giving cash money to someone who only has the potential of paying you back ain’t real good bidnizz. I don’t claim to know much about how having an agent works in the NFL. I just assume there is a lot of “You had me at ‘hello’” and “Show me the money!” but I do know that (a) the agent works for the athlete. (2) The agent gets a percentage of the paycheck that the agent negotiates for the athlete. (4c) Rod Tidwell doesn’t need a towel, and (3.14) Daunte Culpepper played in the NFL without the benefit of an agent representing him. So, unlike a helmet or thigh pads, an agent is not a mandatory piece of equipment in the NFL.
If I could speak to Mike Wallace, one dude to another, I would tell him to quit acting like there is some unknown and invisible force keeping him from signing the one year tender, that will surely be torn up before the ink dries and replaced with a long term deal, and get to Latrobe. I Wallace wants this deal done, it is ultimately up to him. Sorry for cussing earlier in the post but sometimes a guy has to declare what needs declaring. If you are interested in researching other levels of offense as outlined by the Bureau of Animal Excrement Observation and Identification, check out my Twitter feed @davebuzard1