What We Learned in Week 1 of the NFL Preseason:
- Texans get shut out in Clowney’s debut
- The NFL is going to crap their pants each time Manziel touches the ball
- Jerry Jones partying with strippers in Dallas
- Dri Archer impresses in Steelers loss to Giants
We’ve finally made it to football. Well, not real football but football nonetheless. The first week of the preseason always comes with such excitement and then a few plays into the game when both teams have taken their starters out you realize why these games are so horribly unentertaining to watch. Still, its football on the TV and it’s leading to the real thing so we have to be happy about that.
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The Houston Texans went out and got Jadeveon Clowney with the first pick of the NFL draft because he’s just too good to have passed up on. They waited till the fourth round to address their quarterback position and grabbed Ryan Fitzpatrick in the offseason in the same manner you throw an extra pack of gum on the counter when you feel like you need to justify using your debit card at the grocery store just to get some cash back. Fitzpatrick’s first preseason game with the Texans is being described as “the epitome of terrible” with going 6 of 14 for 55 yards and two interceptions in the first half. The Texans would go on to lose 32-0 to Arizona. Could be another long season for Houston.
Although there was a full slate of preseason action this weekend between Friday and Saturday night games there was only one mention across all of the sports networks to let everyone know when a certain team’s second-string quarterback had entered the game. Johnny Manziel took the field for the Cleveland Browns on Saturday and he could have gone out to the middle of the field and took a giant dump and ESPN and the NFL Network would be falling all over themselves to talk about what kind of potential they saw in the dump. This quarterback competition that has been invented in Cleveland between Brian Hoyer and Johnny Manziel is nauseating mostly because they’re making it out to seem like if Manziel can beat out Hoyer for the starting job that means he’s somehow accomplished something. Becoming the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns is like getting a promotion at a horse manure plant. Sure it’s nice to be the head guy, but you’re still surrounded by crap.
Last week some photos of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones surfaced on Deadspin where Jones was in rather compromising positions with some Dallas area strippers. Jerry hadn’t been seen or heard from all weekend and even avoided the media for the Cowboys’ first preseason matchup against San Diego on Saturday. I imagine Jones avoiding speaking to the media was making his cold, dead heart inside shrink just a little bit more. When Jones finally commented on the story he downplayed it and is claiming the photos are misrepresenting him.
Dri Archer is getting some national attention from the Steelers first preseason game. In a 20-16 loss to the New York Giants, Archer took a bubble screen pass and turned it into a 46-yard play which resulted in a field goal. Not as impressive as the 73-yard touchdown run the Steelers defense gave up to Rashad Jennings in the first quarter, but still caught the eye of the national guys. The Steelers defense definitely had some bright spots in the loss aside from that breakdown that allowed the huge play and the offense looked good, aside from their third down conversions and red zone woes. The Steelers offense was 2-for-14 on third downs against New York and 0-2 in the red zone. The Steelers are definitely going to have to make use of their final four training camp practices as well as the remaining preseason games to correct those issues.